Friday, December 2, 2011

The Perfect Cure-All

So, been doing some studying here at college…nerd, I know…and I’ve learned some pretty interesting things so far.
-Cafeteria food is not actually that good.
-Fire drills: Not as fun as I thought they’d be.
-It rains on campus.
-Umbrellas don’t work when you forget them.
-Hygiene is overrated.
-This one’s still in the stage of a hypothesis, but do football players own any other clothes besides spirit wear stuffs? Seriously. I feel bad for them. Almost donated my pair of jeans to one of them…I’d be glad to get rid of them.
-Every one who ever wrote anything has a theory on life.

Seriously. All the philosophers have theories of life named after them. Marxist theory, Cartesian theory, Thomistic theory, Aristotelian (my theory, he wouldn’t have wanted his theory to have such a difficult spelling.)
Now, as we all know, I am quite a well-read and renowned philosopher too. All five of my followers are quite devout readers. (Note: said figure does not even include my mother.) So, it only makes sense for me to pose my theory on life too.
Life is difficult sometimes. (After all, “I’m only human, I get lonely sometimes.” Yes…I am listening to the Michael Jackson song from Free Willy, via the Boyce Avenue cover version …I’m also in the campus library…what else does one do in such a situation?) And each and every one of us has our method of coping; something to “cure” the struggles of life. It’s our “cure-all.”
Here are some famous examples:

Man: Ernest Hemingway
Cure-all: Alcohol
Personal Opinion: Unfortunate end. Not a fan. “Old Man and the Sea.” Everything else…meh…

Man: Kurt Cobain
Cure-all: Heroin
Personal Opinion: Again, unfortunate end. Too bad really.

Man: My grandfather
Cure-all: Hydrogen peroxide
Personal Opinion: It works. Put hydrogen peroxide on any external wound or cut, cures it right up. This is still my standard medical procedure. Cut open my hand while carving the other day…hydrogen peroxide. Burnt my hand…hydrogen peroxide. Burnt my tongue…hydrogen peroxide (yes, it tastes bad).

Man: My father
Cure-all: Starbursts
Personal Opinion: If you’re ever sad or angry in any way or you know some one in a bad mood, give them a Starburst. Works every time. I’ve never been sad or mad after eating a Starburst. It’s absolutely impossible.

Man: Me
Cure-all: Music
Personal Opinion: Well, obviously this one’s the best…just kidding. But seriously, I can (and almost always do) find a song or symphony number or aria or nursery rhyme for any situation, and I often recommend certain songs to friends to fit their situation.

So, what have we learned?
Some people use such things as alcohol, drugs, sex, or violence to cope with life. Doesn’t always end so well.
Other people use chemicals and candy, but both applied with great care (not as in caution, but as in love and affection…maybe some caution with the hydrogen peroxide). And these I have never known to fail me.
We fill our lives with things to console us and please us and help us as if life is some kind of illness or disease (note: life is not an illness, even before it sees the world.) Life is not a disease. Life is a gift.
But yes, it is difficult sometimes. There is no such thing as a gift without suffering. Gifts are made with love, and love is grounded in suffering. And so, while there is certainly nothing wrong with healthy cure-alls such as music, candy, or hydrogen peroxide, perhaps there is a better cure-all to our suffering in life? Perhaps That which makes all life? Perhaps Love Itself?
God should fill our lives.
God should fill and fulfill our lives.
The Perfect Cure-All.

No comments:

Post a Comment